January 10, 2018
Chase a F$%king Feeling! It’s the only thing you can sustain.
We haven’t done a Marriage Monday in weeks, but they’re coming back! I thought I’d (Todd) take this opportunity to catch up with some things we’ve talked about the last couple of weeks.
First off, it’s a week and a half into the new year….how are you holding up on your “Resolutions”? We personally don’t make New Years Resolutions, we make daily and weekly resolutions, LOL. December was a rough month, with losing my grandmother and the struggle that comes with that, but it was also an amazing month for Alisha and me and sent us into 2018 with the mindset we needed to succeed and hopefully help you succeed as well.
* If you have followed us and read her Marriage Mondays, I can honestly say we entered 2018 the STRONGEST we have ever been. We had a lot of mental breakthroughs in our marriage last year, we shared many of them and I’m sure will share more this year.
* I lost one really good friend (just parted ways, he didn’t die) but in return was able to re-examine the people who were around me and dig deeper into those relationships. I had the breakthrough that everyone isn’t going to like you and that’s ok. I thought I needed a lot of friends to be happy, I DON’T, I just need 1 or 2 good ones and Alisha…and I’m good.
* I watched my Soul Brother (Shaun) and Scott become Dads and I fell in love with my two nephews. I also realized how amazing it is to have that one person who truly is your brother (and not by blood, because blood doesn’t always mean you’re close). Shaun literally makes me better every day and having him in my life is the best gift in the world, 2nd only to Alisha and Carly.
* We’re watching Carly turn 16 and start driving, that’s just….is what it is….lol.
But most importantly…..I’m realizing that as I’m about to turn 43 this weekend, that I want to be the best fucking version of myself I can be. If you don’t like the word fuck, sorry…it’s an amazing adjective for this statement. I think we give cuss words too much power…take the power away and they’re just adjectives…..so take a breath. I want to go into 43 this weekend ready to attack 2 for sure, maybe 3 Spartan Trifectas, Tough Mudder X, Trifecta with Shaun and I just want to live every day loving Alisha and Carly as much as I can.
That’s my DAILY challenge. I know we run burpee challenges, and people do all kinds of challenges this time of the year, but if you don’t have an actual WHY that motivates you, Alisha and Carly are my daily motivation, THEN it’s not going to work long-term. I want to surround myself with people who make me better, not drag me down into their bullshit and drama. I want to be around people who show me ways to love Alisha better (i.e. Shaun and Scott), people who want to go on this OCR journey with me and make me a better athlete and person (i.e. Eric, Jason, Charlie, Billy and Shaun…maybe YOU?) Don’t chase a number, don’t chase a one-time goal, chase a FEELING. Knowing that I love Alisha and Carly more today than I did yesterday….is a feeling I can chase. HERE’S ONE FOR YOU…..knowing that I love myself more today than yesterday….IS A FUCKING FEELING….I can get behind and go after.
What about you?
December 5, 2017
Hey GUYS AND GALS!!! It’s Todd this week! I’m gonna write this one because it’s more my thing we talked about this weekend and Alisha said I could take over for a week.
So the title is exactly what it says, I’m going to talk about why you may not be giving a F*ck about your fitness and more than likely your marriage. I’m writing this based on the book I’m reading (that Alisha mentioned a week or so ago) “The LIfe-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck” by Sarah Knight injunction with the last two podcasts that Shaun and I put out (Trust and Believe Episodes 117 and 118). The book and the podcasts caused me to really look at myself in the mirror and the rearview mirror to examine some things I used to do and things I still do now. See if any of this is you!
Let me start with “accepting compliments”, since losing weight and getting in shape, I get complimented on how I look or how I’m in shape, etc (even writing that made me uncomfortable)…WHY? Is it because I still feel like the fat guy? Maybe, I thought so…but not so much now. Or is it because if you (I) accept the compliments, then I’d have to own who I am and how far I’ve come? Bingo. Why is that bad? Because if you or I accept the compliment, then it means we have to become that person that others see us as, we can’t lean on the old us, where we’re comfortable, the person who can be lost in the crowd that nobody notices. It means that we have to live up to this new person and be ok with being noticed. It means we have to be happy and not feel guilty about it. How dumb is that?!?! That we’d feel guilty for feeling good about ourselves. It means that just because I take a compliment, doesn’t make me cocky. I can actually be proud of myself and not be cocky. If you’ve been overweight for a long period of time, you’re not used to this and it’s uncomfortable. We don’t like the attention…yet we worked our asses off to look better….then we don’t like the compliments. When you think about it, it’s really pretty dumb. We (myself included) need to get over the fact that people appreciate how we look and are going to notice when you put the work in.
Maybe that’s why we sabotage ourselves. As Shaun said in the podcast (Trust and Believe Ep. 117), you eat the cake because you subconsciously want to hang on to a part of your life where you’re overweight because it’s comfortable and you don’t think you can actually do it, so you make sure you don’t quite get there. Hence emotional eating. You know you shouldn’t do it, but it’s a temporary fix. Your mind tells you not to, but it’s what you’re used to and even as you’re eating the food at the wrong times or the wrong food altogether, you justify it in your head….literally as the little voice in your head is screaming at you “STOP!” You don’t listen. Because instead of doing what’s hard….which is changing lanes and breaking the cycle, we do what’s comfortable.
Not working out. You don’t give a F*ck about working out, because of the same reasons. It’s not comfortable. You don’t really want to lose the weight. You say you need to lose weight, you say you want to look better, but if you REALLY gave a F*ck, you’d change lanes (see Ep. 118 of Trust and Believe). If you commit to change, it means you have to become a different type of selfish. The type of selfish we are now is the type that does what feels good and it feels good because it’s easy. That’s selfish in a bad way. Being selfish in a good way (as Shaun discussed in Ep. 118) is maybe giving up the beers every night of the week and going to just on the weekends. It may mean that you don’t watch as much TV and instead hit the gym or join one of our workout groups. Why do you think it is that people who have been diagnosed with cancer all of a sudden change their outlook on things? Because they have no choice. The choice was made for them. I know, I’ve watched at least 5 family members die of cancer and I can tell you, it changed them. It changed the way they ate, they talked about how they wish they’d done this and how I need to appreciate every day that I have, etc. Why does it take a life-threatening disease to make us change lanes? Why did it take me falling off a roof to get in shape? Because what’s hard to do is hard to do, CHANGE. I had to have a life-threatening experience to pull my head out of my ass.
Why did it take Alisha and I coming to a crossroads in our marriage before we started to FINALLY communicate?!?!
Why do people stay in jobs for years and continue to bitch about it? Shaun asked a good question in the podcast, is it because you don’t believe in yourself enough to get another job? Do you really think you’re not that talented or gifted that you couldn’t do something else with your hours every week? Do you think you have so little to offer, that you would rather go to a job every day that you hate than bet on yourself? A bad job that’s temporary is understandable, pay the bills, but to stay there makes no sense.
Have a sexless marriage? Boring marriage? WHY? Because you think that’s what life is? You honestly think that this is just what it is? We grew up watching Married With Children and we think that’s what marriage is? Wrong, it’s because to have the uncomfortable conversations are the ultimate definition of uncomfortable. Do you realize how many couples don’t tell each other their fantasies? Do you know how many couples don’t feel good about how they look, so if they don’t feel attractive, they don’t act with confidence and guess what the spouse does, doesn’t find them attractive (most of the time). By the way, COMPLETELY speaking from experience on all of this, so if this isn’t you, you’re lucky, but don’t hate on me for telling you what we went through and what I see in 90% of the couples we come in contact with. It’s human nature.
All of this, maybe only one of these is you, maybe there’s something I didn’t even mention that you realize is you (same effect tho), it’ll act as cancer and it only takes one part of your life to be off, to affect everything. Your job, your marriage, your finances, your sex life, your overall happiness.
Here’s how it went for me. Horrible communication with Alisha in my 20’s when we were first married (young and immature, didn’t know better), gained weight, hid sides of myself from her, got fat, felt like shit about myself, sex life sucked, hence she blamed herself, she gained weight, she felt like crap about herself, we spent money in ways we had no business doing to fill a void, I fall off the roof, lose weight, start to find some since of false confidence, become flirty and outgoing, get attention from women, feeds my false ego, makes Alisha feel like shit and insecure, this goes on for a while, I think I’m not happy with her because I didn’t even know what I had in her, then I think of leaving…..and we’re at a crossroads. A lot I know. But because Alisha is so amazing, she asked me if I would give her a chance to work on things (as tho I wasn’t half responsible) and the work began. Then I realized how much of an ass I was in the past and the HARD WORK got harder.
We changed lanes people and it f*cking sucked at times and was by far the hardest thing we’ve done yet. But it’s why we’re still together! Alisha recently rocked my world the other day when she told me that had someone come along that showed her attention (in our dark times), she would have probably pursued it. How many of you feel that way? We don’t write these things to be like “Do This!”, we write these to tell you what NOT to do because we did it wrong!
Don’t be the guy I know, who has told me at least every other time I see him that he needs to start working out and he’s going to start….for the last 4 years. Guess what, he’s gotten bigger, more stressed and I can tell you that he honestly doesn’t give a F*ck about working out. If he did, he’d do the hard thing and change lanes. I know because I recognize myself in him and I didn’t give a F*ck either back then. When the day comes that his blood pressure catches up with him, he’s diagnosed with diabetes or has a heart attack, he’ll give a F*ck. Until then, not much I can do to help him. Don’t be that guy and more importantly, don’t be me. Change lanes! Read that book, go listen to the Podcast Episodes I mentioned. Get Shaun’s book “T is for Transformation”, do something that will help you change lanes before life throws you a nice little surprise and makes the choice for you.
The last thing I’ll say is this, the lane changing never ends. Last week when we’re in Texas to see Shaun and Scott’s babies, Shaun had to have “a talk” with me on something I was dealing with and yet again, I learned and kept my turn signal on and kept merging over to the other lane. It’s never easy and it never stops, but it’s worth it…because it means you finally give a F*ck.
March 11, 2016
Avoid the SCALE!!!! Now I know that’s easier said than done. But I’m seeing a lot of our Customers and Challengers getting hung up on what the scale says. They are becoming almost obsessed with the number! This is why I don’t want you to do that.
If your clothes are getting looser, if you FEEL BETTER, if you’re measuring inches and those inches are going down, BUT the scale isn’t moving, IT’S OK! Everybody will remind you of the fact that muscle weighs more than fat, and that’s true. Your body will respond differently to different workouts, another reason to change it up and do different things and then come back to something you like from time to time. Shaun talked about this at Shauntervention in the UK, when you hit a plateau, you need to change it up.
ANOTHER IMPORTANT thing to remember WOMEN!!! Men lose weight faster than women. When Shaun ran his first Insanity Test Group, in the first 30 days the guys were dropping weight like crazy, and the women weren’t. In some cases the women didn’t lose any weight at all in the first 30 days, this is where people quit, because they think it’s not working. Then the next 30 days, the women started dropping, and the men started to slowdown in weight-loss. It’s normal for some people not to see results as fast as others. What you will find (and a lady in the UK said this on our most recent Podcast “Shauntervention UK” which comes out this Thursday) is that she wanted to quit after 30 days because her scale didn’t move, but she didn’t! If you listen to it, you’ll hear her say that she lost a lot of weight in the second 30 days and was glad she didn’t quit. Everybody’s body is different.
We already struggle with Body Image issues, why add to it with a number on a scale. I finally got to the point where I had to walk away from the scale, I would work my butt off with an Asylum workout, for example, think “surely my body fat dropped a tenth of a percent!!!” (I have one of those scales that measures it) and I would get on there, and it would go up a tenth of a percent! I would be like “What the F***!”. LOL, I laugh because I think back to how dumb I must have looked but at the time I was so obsessed with the numbers.
Am I saying don’t weigh yourself ever? No. I’m just saying don’t weigh every day and turn it into a daily obsession, because what will happen is you will get a high off the losses and a low off the gains. Go by the inches; guys – watch the inches grow in your arms as you build muscle, ladies – watch the inches go down on your arms as you lose the fat around your triceps. Both men and women, watch the inches around your waist and go by the way your clothes fit. It’s a much healthier approach to feeling like you are accomplishing something without it becoming an obsession.
Remember this is coming from a former “fat guy”, I get it, I got it…and so will you.
February 10, 2016
So Valentine’s Day is this week! Some of you might be like “YAY”, some of you might be like “Who Cares!”. If you’re one of the “who cares” people, I get it, I’m not here to change your mind. But I am writing this blog this week because for some people Valentines Day is a day of romance and being with their significant other and based off of a conversation I had with a friend the other day, it brings up body image issues for her.
Anytime she’s intimate with her husband; she doesn’t like the way she looks, naked or otherwise. This rung true for me BIG TIME. Why, because still today, I sometimes feel like the fat guy, or I feel like the work I’ve put in isn’t enough to make me happy with what I see in the mirror. I also remember having serious body image issues when I was overweight and not liking the way I looked naked, let alone in clothes. So where am I going with this? Let’s talk about being naked! As some of you may know, I produce Shaun T’s podcast Trust and Believe and for two weeks in January, he talked about this very thing. The second part, he interviewed me, and we had a long discussion about being naked and body image issues. I invite you to take a listen and enjoy it, learn from it and open yourself up to explore it in your head. See if you have some of the same issues, or if you’re one of the ones who has no issues (and I’m extremely happy for you if you are).
My last thing, if you are fed up with your body image issues and want to work on it, please feel free to contact Alisha or myself. We get it! We know the struggles you’re going through, and we have been there. We genuinely want to help you if you’re ready.
We want your Valentines Days to be amazing for years to come and for you to be happy in your skin!