December 5, 2017
Hey GUYS AND GALS!!! It’s Todd this week! I’m gonna write this one because it’s more my thing we talked about this weekend and Alisha said I could take over for a week.
So the title is exactly what it says, I’m going to talk about why you may not be giving a F*ck about your fitness and more than likely your marriage. I’m writing this based on the book I’m reading (that Alisha mentioned a week or so ago) “The LIfe-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck” by Sarah Knight injunction with the last two podcasts that Shaun and I put out (Trust and Believe Episodes 117 and 118). The book and the podcasts caused me to really look at myself in the mirror and the rearview mirror to examine some things I used to do and things I still do now. See if any of this is you!
Let me start with “accepting compliments”, since losing weight and getting in shape, I get complimented on how I look or how I’m in shape, etc (even writing that made me uncomfortable)…WHY? Is it because I still feel like the fat guy? Maybe, I thought so…but not so much now. Or is it because if you (I) accept the compliments, then I’d have to own who I am and how far I’ve come? Bingo. Why is that bad? Because if you or I accept the compliment, then it means we have to become that person that others see us as, we can’t lean on the old us, where we’re comfortable, the person who can be lost in the crowd that nobody notices. It means that we have to live up to this new person and be ok with being noticed. It means we have to be happy and not feel guilty about it. How dumb is that?!?! That we’d feel guilty for feeling good about ourselves. It means that just because I take a compliment, doesn’t make me cocky. I can actually be proud of myself and not be cocky. If you’ve been overweight for a long period of time, you’re not used to this and it’s uncomfortable. We don’t like the attention…yet we worked our asses off to look better….then we don’t like the compliments. When you think about it, it’s really pretty dumb. We (myself included) need to get over the fact that people appreciate how we look and are going to notice when you put the work in.
Maybe that’s why we sabotage ourselves. As Shaun said in the podcast (Trust and Believe Ep. 117), you eat the cake because you subconsciously want to hang on to a part of your life where you’re overweight because it’s comfortable and you don’t think you can actually do it, so you make sure you don’t quite get there. Hence emotional eating. You know you shouldn’t do it, but it’s a temporary fix. Your mind tells you not to, but it’s what you’re used to and even as you’re eating the food at the wrong times or the wrong food altogether, you justify it in your head….literally as the little voice in your head is screaming at you “STOP!” You don’t listen. Because instead of doing what’s hard….which is changing lanes and breaking the cycle, we do what’s comfortable.
Not working out. You don’t give a F*ck about working out, because of the same reasons. It’s not comfortable. You don’t really want to lose the weight. You say you need to lose weight, you say you want to look better, but if you REALLY gave a F*ck, you’d change lanes (see Ep. 118 of Trust and Believe). If you commit to change, it means you have to become a different type of selfish. The type of selfish we are now is the type that does what feels good and it feels good because it’s easy. That’s selfish in a bad way. Being selfish in a good way (as Shaun discussed in Ep. 118) is maybe giving up the beers every night of the week and going to just on the weekends. It may mean that you don’t watch as much TV and instead hit the gym or join one of our workout groups. Why do you think it is that people who have been diagnosed with cancer all of a sudden change their outlook on things? Because they have no choice. The choice was made for them. I know, I’ve watched at least 5 family members die of cancer and I can tell you, it changed them. It changed the way they ate, they talked about how they wish they’d done this and how I need to appreciate every day that I have, etc. Why does it take a life-threatening disease to make us change lanes? Why did it take me falling off a roof to get in shape? Because what’s hard to do is hard to do, CHANGE. I had to have a life-threatening experience to pull my head out of my ass.
Why did it take Alisha and I coming to a crossroads in our marriage before we started to FINALLY communicate?!?!
Why do people stay in jobs for years and continue to bitch about it? Shaun asked a good question in the podcast, is it because you don’t believe in yourself enough to get another job? Do you really think you’re not that talented or gifted that you couldn’t do something else with your hours every week? Do you think you have so little to offer, that you would rather go to a job every day that you hate than bet on yourself? A bad job that’s temporary is understandable, pay the bills, but to stay there makes no sense.
Have a sexless marriage? Boring marriage? WHY? Because you think that’s what life is? You honestly think that this is just what it is? We grew up watching Married With Children and we think that’s what marriage is? Wrong, it’s because to have the uncomfortable conversations are the ultimate definition of uncomfortable. Do you realize how many couples don’t tell each other their fantasies? Do you know how many couples don’t feel good about how they look, so if they don’t feel attractive, they don’t act with confidence and guess what the spouse does, doesn’t find them attractive (most of the time). By the way, COMPLETELY speaking from experience on all of this, so if this isn’t you, you’re lucky, but don’t hate on me for telling you what we went through and what I see in 90% of the couples we come in contact with. It’s human nature.
All of this, maybe only one of these is you, maybe there’s something I didn’t even mention that you realize is you (same effect tho), it’ll act as cancer and it only takes one part of your life to be off, to affect everything. Your job, your marriage, your finances, your sex life, your overall happiness.
Here’s how it went for me. Horrible communication with Alisha in my 20’s when we were first married (young and immature, didn’t know better), gained weight, hid sides of myself from her, got fat, felt like shit about myself, sex life sucked, hence she blamed herself, she gained weight, she felt like crap about herself, we spent money in ways we had no business doing to fill a void, I fall off the roof, lose weight, start to find some since of false confidence, become flirty and outgoing, get attention from women, feeds my false ego, makes Alisha feel like shit and insecure, this goes on for a while, I think I’m not happy with her because I didn’t even know what I had in her, then I think of leaving…..and we’re at a crossroads. A lot I know. But because Alisha is so amazing, she asked me if I would give her a chance to work on things (as tho I wasn’t half responsible) and the work began. Then I realized how much of an ass I was in the past and the HARD WORK got harder.
We changed lanes people and it f*cking sucked at times and was by far the hardest thing we’ve done yet. But it’s why we’re still together! Alisha recently rocked my world the other day when she told me that had someone come along that showed her attention (in our dark times), she would have probably pursued it. How many of you feel that way? We don’t write these things to be like “Do This!”, we write these to tell you what NOT to do because we did it wrong!
Don’t be the guy I know, who has told me at least every other time I see him that he needs to start working out and he’s going to start….for the last 4 years. Guess what, he’s gotten bigger, more stressed and I can tell you that he honestly doesn’t give a F*ck about working out. If he did, he’d do the hard thing and change lanes. I know because I recognize myself in him and I didn’t give a F*ck either back then. When the day comes that his blood pressure catches up with him, he’s diagnosed with diabetes or has a heart attack, he’ll give a F*ck. Until then, not much I can do to help him. Don’t be that guy and more importantly, don’t be me. Change lanes! Read that book, go listen to the Podcast Episodes I mentioned. Get Shaun’s book “T is for Transformation”, do something that will help you change lanes before life throws you a nice little surprise and makes the choice for you.
The last thing I’ll say is this, the lane changing never ends. Last week when we’re in Texas to see Shaun and Scott’s babies, Shaun had to have “a talk” with me on something I was dealing with and yet again, I learned and kept my turn signal on and kept merging over to the other lane. It’s never easy and it never stops, but it’s worth it…because it means you finally give a F*ck.
August 4, 2017
Well, we’re 2/3 of the way through the Trifecta this year. We just completed the Spartan Super in Asheville and from what we were told, it’s currently the 3rd hardest Super in the Country and we believe it. Here are the highlights!